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Angel wing

It's funny this was suppose to be a way for me and my partner to communicate and I think neither of us has even looked at this journal in several months. there was a time when I wanted to leave, I couldn't stand the thought of staying and making the situation worse but then there was a time when I thought everything was getting better. Slowly lies creep in and i am sure I will find myself at the same place shaking my head going "alright... Im done" 

Maybe I will be wrong I can only hope its frustrating the night keeps draining me as my mind fills with choices. Go to Alaska, make some money make some discovery that I hate boats and small spaces and that I  will miss showers probably want to kill myself or others for it. 

Or Stay and get a job making very little money watching us scrape by and just curiously wondering if i made the right choice. being scared. Wondering what to do about the next problem that comes up. Whatever it may be. 

It's cold outside, wet and lonely the wind buckles against the side of house reminding me of the ocean. 


And all the while I am wondering am I doing what is right. The fact is we all have to take risks and I have been contemplating if I am making any at all. Even as I  feel like I am taking chances trying new things I know there is more, I know I could try harder and I am trying to pull through. there is a large cosmic plan in place for everything but i feel like I am fighting the current. 

Here I am wondering what to do to not be the fool holding the shoe. 


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