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Realizing, you are who you are.

After a long awaited phone call from my mother I realized something. I am exactly who I am because of all I have done, and there really isn't much I can change without making myself into someone I am not. I like certain foods, I find some jokes very funny and those raise a chuckle. I hate my smile but I love my eyes... Sometimes I am a spelling nazi and other times I don't honestly care for any punctuation at all. These things define who I am, they make me different from any one of you. And with that it makes someone you might be friends with or someone you can't stand around. Maybe I post to many photos of my dogs on my facebook, maybe i share too many etsy items, maybe I am on pininterest wayyy to much for a healthy standard. Perhaps you don't like my pro-choice views or maybe you think that I am too open about my sex life. I don't know and quite frankly I don't really care, unless you are someone who I seek an opinion from you may keep it to yourself. And I will be none the wiser that you hate my guts or perhaps just my spleen. I am quirky, quaint at times perhaps obnoxious would be a good term, my vlogs become boring and I may not analyze the economy or make jokes over politics but it doesn't mean I don't pay attention, it doesn't mean I don't have an opinion it simply means I have chosen to keep my lips shut to the subject. 

Fact is, every day I realize without even knowing it I am trying to compare myself to the people I know or people I see either on the tv, in ads, hell even on facebook. I try not to, i try to be comfortable with my own flesh but sometimes it isn't possible. Sometimes any of us are weak to the distractions of perfection to someone else, we envy their comfortable nature and strive to become 'just like them' for a moment or a second. Sometimes you need to realize you are good, golden, perfect just the way you are. Because you make who you are special, with your perspective, appearance and such it is something you need to realize within yourself. That who you are can be beautiful and interesting to someone, if you believe it to be interesting too. We live in a society based on marketing in the most abstract and yet simple way, it is upfront and direct yet it strives on the psychological deviance's and perspectives that we have invested ourselves into. And yet at the end of the day you are stuck in front of the mirror judging yourself and how you are portraying yourself into the world and how you will be perceived, you are hurt when someone judges against you and you are happy when someone compliments you. We act much like our canine companions when they are scolded they are saddened when they are praised they become excited we rely on many of the same reactions, not in nearly the same manner but sometimes we even jump, dance, laugh, smile in praise and we cry, shiver, whimper and grimace in dissapointment. 

Reaction is what makes us see what we are doing, sometimes we are not quite ready to accept the thoughts as actions till we do them. And in that moment we can really see how we feel, because we are faced by those feelings. 

That is all for now, 

Perhaps I will analyze something else for your amusement. 

Tata internet. 


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